Good Morning~ the snow is so lovely drifting down in big fat flakes. I got to stand out in it for the bus and really it wasn't too cold, thank goodness no wind. Lately I have been really looking at my motivation. Why do I do what I do? Why do I want what I want? How much of what I want is externally driven? Who decides? Something I have noticed is that the longer we have no TV, the less stuff Miss Sunshine asks for. Coincidence? I think not. :P
So I have been as analytical as possible and not so happy with what I am finding. Honest truth? I want a latte so I feel financially secure, i.e. if I can get a coffee we have money. (ha!) Honest truth? I want junk food to feed my child (forgive me, but this is true) so I can get stuff done and she will be quiet. There, I said it, I hope I am not alone, but DANG I am lazy. There are more examples but those are good examples. So, knowing is half the battle? I feel like a bad parent, a bad person, but maybe being aware that this is happening will make change possible. I do not want to rob my child of the sense of accomplishment truly hard work brings, but I have not done a good job of giving her that gift so far, and at this point, it will be an unwelcome gift I am sure. I don't know how to be motivated, I don't know how to motivate. I have to learn though, so I don't let Miss Sunshine down. Hopefully my rambling here will help me muddle my way through.
In other news, I am trying to find a bunch of gardeners to order seeds with, I am really really needing to watch my pennies and don't think I could use a whole seed packet. Organic happy heirloom seeds are spendy. Any takers?
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Found my way over from your Down to Earth comment. I SO know what you mean about this. I have been looking over my own life in a similar way lately and not quite liked what I found either. But I'm a great believer in when you know better you do better. You just have to give yourself permission to be your best self. Once you know what the problem is you can work out small, achievable ways to work towards the person you want to be.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, it is nice to know I am not alone. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of seeds? How much? I'm poor, but will try to budget! I'm determined to do the project, so we'll see how it works.
ReplyDeleteWell I was going to get some Amish paste tomato, some tomatillo, some cucumber, summer squash, and some peas. I love peas. I have lists here at my desk. Let's not work, let's look at seeds!
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