What DO I want???

Good Morning~ the snow is so lovely drifting down in big fat flakes. I got to stand out in it for the bus and really it wasn't too cold, thank goodness no wind. Lately I have been really looking at my motivation. Why do I do what I do? Why do I want what I want? How much of what I want is externally driven? Who decides? Something I have noticed is that the longer we have no TV, the less stuff Miss Sunshine asks for. Coincidence? I think not. :P
So I have been as analytical as possible and not so happy with what I am finding. Honest truth? I want a latte so I feel financially secure, i.e. if I can get a coffee we have money. (ha!) Honest truth? I want junk food to feed my child (forgive me, but this is true) so I can get stuff done and she will be quiet. There, I said it, I hope I am not alone, but DANG I am lazy. There are more examples but those are good examples. So, knowing is half the battle? I feel like a bad parent, a bad person, but maybe being aware that this is happening will make change possible. I do not want to rob my child of the sense of accomplishment truly hard work brings, but I have not done a good job of giving her that gift so far, and at this point, it will be an unwelcome gift I am sure. I don't know how to be motivated, I don't know how to motivate. I have to learn though, so I don't let Miss Sunshine down. Hopefully my rambling here will help me muddle my way through.
In other news, I am trying to find a bunch of gardeners to order seeds with, I am really really needing to watch my pennies and don't think I could use a whole seed packet. Organic happy heirloom seeds are spendy. Any takers?